i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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