hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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