I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
