I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
