We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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