You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
