Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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