Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
