I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
