I accidentally had phone sex last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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