i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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