I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were destined to go to rehab together
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
