it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
