he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
