We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
