This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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