his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
