You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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