i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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