I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
