So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
