o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
