i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
