You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
