could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
