cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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