i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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