Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
