Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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