If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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