did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
