Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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