It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
