No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
