Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
