Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
