Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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