she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
