I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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