YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
