Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
