guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
