i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you will always have a special place in my vag
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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