They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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