I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
