For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
