He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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