My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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