Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
