even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
